Unseen Seamonster ([info]unseenmonster) wrote,
@ 2008-04-20 16:58:00
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Writing Sample



Karasumori.

It was a piece of land with power, power more intricate and dark than any of them could possibly imagine, even Masamori himself who had access to more information about the land of Karasumori than the other members of the Sumimura and Yukimura guardian families, the power to create and destroy, to begin and end-- he abhored it. It lay beneath him, forty feet below, as he suspended himself in the air to watch over it. The night breeze rustled the branches of a tree and a small, fish-like ayakashi floated from it. Within a few days, Karasumori would change it-- give it power, give it the means to whatever it wanted. Karasumori served them in that way. Masamori let the small thing float on its way, though. It was his brother's responsibility to be that land's master and the legitimate successor. He cared for his brother, and he cared for his family-- both of them. He did not care for the duties of long-dead ancestors.

Masamori's unfortunate duty would come later. He adjusted his scarf around his neck, discouraging the chill that was running along his spine.

Karasumori was a sleeping monster. There would come a day when it would wake and raise its head, and in that moment Masamori would break it into pieces and remove it from this world.

He hated monsters.



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[info]haku
2008-04-20 09:05 pm UTC (link)
I think it's good! Several of your sentences end with 'it' and that just anti-pinged me because my English teacher just to harsh me on it, but I don't think the mods will care about how smoothly your sample reads, so I think you're good. The information about Karasumori is a little vague, and while KEKKAISHI READERS know that this is UM KIND OF CANON, I coooould potentially see the mods going 'abuh?', but I think what you have written is clear enough to pass that. ♥

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